


Erased

by MvrZwarts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:07:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26466142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MvrZwarts/pseuds/MvrZwarts
Summary: Why Sirius Black has had trouble sleeping, even as a young student at Hogwarts.
Kudos: 5





	Erased

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a little rusty at writing fanfics (it's been a few years), but here's one to get warmed up :) 
> 
> It's also my first one-shot in English (that's not all dialogue). Feel free to leave feedback (or spelling/grammar improvements).

Sometimes Sirius couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t when Wormtail was snoring too loud. Or when James was trying to catch his snitch in the middle of the night. It wasn’t even when loud thunderstorms outside plagued the Hogwarts students in their warm beds. It was the quiet that kept him awake. The clear night skies, when the constellations could be read like a children’s tale before bed. Those stars resembled the Black family’s pride. And in the silence their judgement echoed. You see, some parents yell at their children when they’re mad at them. Or they cry if they’re disappointed. Or some parents give their children a box on the ears, or worse. But while these things happened at the Noble House of Black, they weren’t the preferred method. Slapping and yelling and calling names was considered a standard element in raising one’s offspring. All the Black children were raised with it. And no one argued its effectiveness. That was, of course, until they did.

\---

Sirius lay on his back. The painted stars on the ceiling above his twin-sized bed stared back at him. It was early afternoon on a rainy summer day. Sirius had been inside all morning, plotting a secret map he and his friends had been working on and looking at muggle motorcycle magazines. Summer always felt like a two-month preparation for school to start again. But the hours seemed like days and even though the day wasn’t even half way, Sirius was already bored. So when his ears caught the sound of raised voices downstairs he sat up in curiosity. His mother’s shrieking voice wasn’t hard to discern. The question was who she was shrieking to.

He tiptoed to the top of the stairs to try and catch the voice of whatever person was being verbally besieged. Understandably the person on the receiving end of the tirade kept very quiet. A few moments later, when the shouting had stopped, his younger brother Regulus appeared down on the stairs, looking as if he’d just escaped a snake attack.

‘What’s going on with her?’ Sirius said, nodding towards the study downstairs where her voice had seemed to come from. Regulus ignored his brother and tried to walk past him when he’d reached the top of the stairs. Sirius blocked his way.   
  
‘Did you forget to iron your socks or something?’ Sirius said jokingly.   
  
‘Shut up and let me through.’ Regulus pushed him aside harshly.   
  
‘What’s up with him…’ Sirius mumbled to himself as he watched his brother disappear into his bedroom, several doors down the hall. He wasn’t curious enough to dare go downstairs and face the aftermath in the study though. So Sirius locked himself in his bedroom as well and pretended it didn’t happen in the first place.   
  
Denying its existence helped getting over the curiosity for a while, until his mind was pulled back to the incident by another voice. This time he could discern the words, as the speaker seemed to be a lot closer to his bedroom door. It took him a while to realise it was the voice of his grandfather, Arcturus Black, that spoke:   
  
‘You shouldn’t be punishing the boy so harshly. It’s only natural to be curious.’   
  
‘It’s natural to be curious, but it’s another thing to act upon your curiosity. Honestly, I thought Regulus was different. I won’t tolerate those kinds of magazines in my house. He should be ashamed. I wouldn’t be nearly so upset if it had just been witches in there. But he was looking at muggles! _And they weren’t even all female._ ’ His mother’s voice sounded hushed and full of disgust. As if someone had asked her to describe a bloody murder scene she’d rather forget.   
  
‘Of course he should be ashamed. We have to protect our family’s reputation. But don’t forget that you only have one son left. Be careful you don’t push him away. After all, only he can carry on the nobility of our name.’   
  
Sirius - who had been sitting on his bed, scribbling some notes on the prototype of the Hogwarts map - froze into place as the conversation carried on.   
  
‘I’m fully aware of that, Arcturus. That’s why I’m being so careful. I can’t let Regulus be influenced by him any more. Letting that filthy muggle trumpery linger around the house. It’s honestly a miracle that Regulus turned out as well as he did.’   
  
Arcturus Black lowered his voice to almost a whisper: ‘Ask yourself this: why would you provide food and a roof for a child that clearly doesn’t belong here anymore?’   
  
‘They will talk.’   
  
‘They will talk anyway. It’s best to kill all the weeds before they spread.’   
  
‘You’re probably right... I’ll talk to Orion about it.’   
  
Then the floor creaked down the hallway and he heard someone knocking on a door, which then opened and closed again. The other set of footsteps walked towards Sirius’ bedroom door. Sirius dropped the quill he’d been crushing between his fingers and hastily grabbed his wand from the nightstand. He expected the door to open at any moment, but instead he heard the footsteps retreating down the stairs.   
  
He took a deep breath and let go of his wand again. But his grandfather’s voice kept ringing in his ears. And he suddenly didn’t feel safe in his own bedroom any more.   
  
He’d tried to focus on something else than the eavesdropped conversation. But he was stuck in his projects, had written all of his friends letters twice today and James was nowhere to be found in the two-way-mirror. So when the night fell and delicious smells of roast pork and baked potatoes found their way to his bedroom, his stomach rumbled and he finally opened the door to the hall. Regulus’ door was open. Judging by the clinking of knives and forks to precious porcelain plates dinner had already started. He stalked down the stairs, his hand touching the arm rail lightly. The lifeless heads of the former Black family house elves stared at him in contempt. He averted his gaze and quickly made his way further downstairs, to the dining room. The creaking noise of him stepping onto the elevated threshold betrayed his presence to the people having dinner. For one short moment all eyes were fixed on him: his father and mother, his little brother Regulus, his grandfather and even Kreacher the house elf. But as quickly as they had set eyes on him, they turned away and pretended he wasn’t even there. Sirius continued into the room when he noticed something had changed. There was a chair missing. Normally there would be five chairs: one for each member of the family (Orion Black sitting at the head of the table) and one for guests. Now there were only four. The chair at his usual spot was missing. As was a plate, knife and fork.   
  
‘Where’s the chair gone to?’ Sirius asked, not sure how to proceed in this situation. None of his family at the table answered, or even looked up from their dinner.   
  
‘Hello..?’ he waved his hand in front of Regulus’ face. His brother opened his mouth to say something, but their mother cut him of:   
  
‘Don’t,’ she hissed. And Regulus closed his mouth again, like a trained puppy.   
  
As Sirius grabbed a plate from the cupboard and scooped up a decent amount of potatoes on it, the people at the table continued having dinner pretending he wasn’t there. And when he finally left the room, defeated, he heard his grandfather striking up a conversation with his father about donations to the Ministry.

  
  
\---

  
  
That night had been the first of many where Sirius ate alone in his room. Slowly more and more evidence of his existence disappeared until finally a stranger might think Orion and Walburga only had one son. The only thing they didn’t touch was his bedroom. But it didn’t feel like his room anymore. It felt like a prison. Before school had started, he’d packed his things and begged James to let him stay with his family. Of course the Potters had invited him with open arms. They never asked what had happened, so Sirius just let everyone think he had ran away from home because he hated his parents. He never told anyone, not even his closest friends, that he’d never wanted to run away from home. But that he’d been too afraid to be erased to stay.


End file.
